Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Bunch of Crazy Brides

From the makeup artist pulling a no-show to contracting a raging case of Mad Cow, even the sanest bride can succumb to fear-induced insanity as her big day approaches. Luckily (for me and my family) I was too busy with last minute things to diagnose myself with Swine Flu before I said 'I do'. But sometimes soon-to-be-wed ladies can't keep those crazy what-ifs from creeping in...

Mother Nature’s Wrath
I'm pretty sure gets more hits from obsessive brides than business travelers. Who’s to say a Tsunami won’t wipe out Cleveland? It’s not that off base to worry about Miami being struck by a blizzard in July. Why wouldn’t a 4% chance of light showers turn into a violent tornado, wreaking havoc on your cocktail hour? The dudes from Storm Chasers must be on-hand to track down your centerpieces ... and find grandma.

Beauty & Fashion Catastrophes
You can picture it now: a ginormous zit smack in between your eyes, large enough to have its own place setting. What if the romantic hair style you envision ends up more beehive than bun? While you’ve sworn off carbs since June, you’re totally going to have a fat day. Or worse – you’re the sweaty bride! Pit stains on Vera Wang? The horror!

Get Well Soon
If you’ve become a severe hypochondriac (like moi), block WebMD from your computer. Stop watching medical shows and pharmaceutical commercials. You’ll convince yourself that the sniffles will turn into fibromyalgia (whatever that is), resulting in experimental brain surgery (because everyone needs that on Grey’s Anatomy). You’ve stopped taking public transportation so as not to contract Swine Flu, pinkeye or SARS (it could resurface!). And you're probably obsessing about passing out during the ceremony. (If you’re gonna bite it, try to go down gracefully.)

Detail Debacles
The florist will flake. The chair company will delete your delivery information. No one will dance. The cake will collapse. Dad will share your potty training stories in his speech. Your fiancé will flee to Guam.

Save your nicely manicured nails and either get a grip, or elope.

PS - My makeup artist, the awesome Jason Kelly was actually early, and this picture of his pretty makeup was taken by RAD photographers.

What are your worst wedding fears?

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