Forever Lazy: An Adult Onesie

There's something I saw on TV that's crazier than Herman Cain, and not getting nearly enough mainstream media attention. Just when I thought infomercial products couldn't get any worse than Pajama Jeans -- Forever Lazy, in all of it's anti-pill polar fleece glory, hit the airwaves. The two minute commercial features overly enthusiastic adults (sometimes even entire families) wearing "one-piece full body lazy wear." Yep.

Good luck getting a date...

Why would any sane person need such a thing? Because "wrestling with blankets is silly" and the makers of Forever Lazy don't want you using your heat in the winter ... or having stable human relationships.

When wearing a Forever Lazy, you'll be nice and toasty while you read, talk on the phone, or awkwardly play a guitar in a college dorm room while your roommate asks for an immediate transfer. You can easily sip ice water on your deck with your spouse without worrying about what to wear. You can also "enjoy some down time with pets." (Where did they find this scriptwriter?)

Obviously these 2 idiots are friends.

The most horrifying part is that you don't even have to take it off to go to the bathroom. There are "zippered hatches in the front and back for great escapes when duty calls."

I have so many questions about Forever Lazy, I don't even know where to begin. Who is the mastermind behind this idea? Is it just a cruel joke to see if we can boost the obesity rate in this country even more? Does it come with a bag of Funyuns? How much did the actors get paid? Were they drugged? Does it need to be dry cleaned? How many nervous breakdowns have been linked to purchases of a Forever Lazy? 

Honestly, if I am ever found wearing this -- shit will have really hit the fan. Just rip the pint of ice cream and box of Franzia out of my hands and intervene.

But let's get serious now ... there are some high risk people that should never, ever step foot into a Forever Lazy:

• a woman fresh out of a breakup
• anyone that lives with their parents after college
• people that own 3 or more cats
• Charlie Sheen  

So, should I buy this for my husband for his birthday?