Monday, November 7, 2011

$1 for a Stability Ball

Have you guys seen this hysterical craigslist ad? After a particularly challenging yoga class, this guy tried to sell his yoga mat (used only once) for a dollar. His listing takes you through the ups (crush on the chick next to him) and downs ("150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own ... I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed."), fully detailing why he'll never step foot in that class again.

Tonight I had a similar "challenging" experience at the gym. Except I'm going to try to sell all of the gym's stability balls for a dollar, so I never have to take that class again.

All joking aside, it actually was an awesome class. With practice, in about three years I should be able to successfully do the things the teacher told me to. But let me just fill you in on some of my ups and downs of class tonight.

First of all, have you ever done a full body workout with a stability ball? It's impossible not to look like a beached whale that's found an over-sized sand toy. Actually, the entire class seemed to resemble different forms of sea life. The poor guy next to me was flopping around like a little sardine. I knew I was in good company when he let out a high-pitched shriek as the ball shot out from under him. 

Most exercises begin with you rolling your entire body over the ball into some sort of plank position. Then the super perky teacher tells you to do something ungodly, like 45 pushups with just your toes resting on the ball or headstands with one foot in the air, and one on the ball.

Are you KIDDING ME, LADY? What did I ever do to YOU? You should be paying ME to be here.

After doing a particularly hard series of what can only be described as acrobatics, I'm pretty sure I blacked out. The only reason I woke up is because Ke$ha was sprinkling glitter on my face. Following that brief hallucination, we were told to lay on our backs, and rock back and forth. The perky lady called it a teeter-totter. The last time I was on a teeter-totter, I remember it being fun. And then I got juice and animal crackers. Tonight, not so much.

A bit of advice: If you're ever going to do a class like this, avoid being in the back row, closest to the massive window that faces the rest of the gym. Yep, I had that prime spot. I'm sure the dudes lifting weights had quite a show the 62 times I rolled off the ball, cursing to myself like a truck driver. 

Forty five minutes later ... it was over. I took a deep sigh of relief, and teetered out of the room like a baby that just learned to walk. Moving tomorrow should be awesome.

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious! Love the image of Ke$ha sprinkling glitter on your face.