Monday, October 31, 2011

I Do ... Until the Cameras Stop Rolling

Anyone who wasted 4 hours of their life watching Kim's Fairy Tale Wedding knew before the first commercial break that their marriage was doomed. Kim and Kris suffered from serious irreconcilable differences from the get-go: clashes over home decor, Kim's crippling anxiety over small dogs being allowed on her bed, and her distaste for Minnesota. (Unless of course Christian Louboutin decided to start making snow boots ... she wasn't stepping foot in that state.) And don't forget their overwhelming hatred for each other. That played a minor role in the demise too.

Aside from the wedding giving Kris Jenner an excuse to get a face lift  ... there are important life lessons to be learned from Kris and Kim's 72 day marriage.

1. Date longer than five minutes before getting engaged, to allow for plenty of time to discover the weird habits, quirks and dealbreakers of a potential life partner. Or else you may find yourself in a closet with Bruce Jenner, sobbing and snotting uncontrollably, surrounded by cameras.

2. The only reality show you can trust is The Biggest Loser. The scale doesn't lie, people.

3. If you're sitting at different tables at your rehearsal dinner ... no amount of Vera Wang dresses can solve your relationship problems.

4. When shit hits the fan, at the very least, you can launch a new perfume line: Kashing In, the exotic scent of greed with delicate hints of self-tanner. A new fragrance by Kim Kardashian.

Obviously this marriage was simply a money-making scheme. But all too often, celebrities like Kim Kardashian make marriage seem like a joke, an excuse to throw a lavish party. And once the guests go home, if you don't want to be married anymore, then it's just a break-up with annoying paperwork. But divorce isn't glamorous for real people. It's heartbreaking for everyone involved. So, hopefully the next time Kim Kardashian needs a co-star for her reality show, she'll learn a lesson and just cast him, not marry him.


  1. I absolutely love this, Jess! Couldn't agree more.

  2. What? So you're saying they weren't really in love? ;)

  3. Marissa, if only it worked out, you guys could have been BFFs in Minnesota ;)