The Diet Before The Diet

Like the rest of the world, I'm going on a diet starting January 3rd. (Not the 1st or the 2nd, because that's still technically vacation. duh.) So, in preparation for the days of portion control and carrot sticks ahead, I'm focusing my efforts on blocks of cheese, a tub of holiday popcorn large enough to feed a small village, chocolate and wine. It's a diet that's really easy to stick with. It takes pretty much zero determination. If you tell yourself that popcorn (despite being covered in caramel) is in fact a vegetable, it's even easier to stay on track. This diet does require some exercise though, or else even sweatpants can get uncomfortable. Even a brisk walk to your next meal counts for something. (If you have a Forever Lazy adult onesie, you should be fine if exercise doesn't fit in with your holiday plans.) A significant other that's on the same diet is key to success.

Pre-diet Diet Essentials include:
Parrano Cheese (sold at most supermarkets)
Fig Spread - I love this kind sold at Whole Foods
Wine
Chocolate every 2-3 hours, or as needed
A visit to a grandparent's home for meals and unending snacks
waffles
limited edition oreos (they're covered in white chocolate!)
Meatball subs (I made baked chicken meatballs so it's not a total loss, right?) Recipe below:

Baked Chicken Meatballs
Ingredients:
1 pound of ground chicken breast
1 egg
3/4 cup of breadcrumbs
1/2 cup of parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons of olive oil
dash of salt, pepper
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon of parsley

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl. You may need to use your hands to really mix well.
Spritz a baking sheet with Pam. Place your balls (ok, grow up people) on the sheet. I make them pretty small, 2-3 bites each. Drizzle a little olive oil and sprinkle paprika on top. Bake for about 26 minutes.

Place the balls on a delicious roll, top with good tomato sauce and fresh mozzarella cheese.

Enjoy!!

What are you feasting on this week? Any healthy snack recs for 2012?

PS - I had kale this week. So that makes the rest of this totally fine. right?

Is That Hummus? Shit Girls Say, Part 2

She's BAAACK! I've watched the latest installment of Shit Girls Say at least 8 times. Love it. Love it. Love it. The only thing unrealistic about part deux (aside from the whole drag thing), is that a girl doesn't need to ask, "Is that hummus?" Of course it is. We can spot hummus from a mile away.

These are some of the lines from the video "girls" most definitely say and what they really mean:

Hey, where are you? 
Hurry your ass up. I'm early, feeling socially awkward and need to look busy using my phone.

Do you want to split a cookie? 
Are we doing carbs this weekend?

How long have you guys been open? 
I hope this small talk leads to something free.  

Is this my water? 
Even though you're my BFF, I'm kinda grossed out by your cold. xo

That's not okay. 
No need for translation.

So, good. Right? 
This is really all I can say while shoving my face. But we're totes on the same page.

Get these chips away from me. 
Really, get these chips away from me. I haven't had a full fat chip since '92. 

That poor dog needs waterrrrr...
Aww, pets are cute. I'm so glad I don't have one.

I love wine. 
I can't feel my face anymore. You're my best friend.

I'm just like...hmpphhhh. 
I'm making a point without actually saying anything at all.

(Here's my blog post on the first ep of Shit Girls Say in case you missed it.)

Best of 2011

In case you missed 'em, below are the most read Savvy Mrs. blog posts to grace the Interwebs in 2011. (And yes, the stats show people other than my mom are reading this - thank you!)

Apparently you guys like posts about Kim Kardashian and my husband. (Individual posts. They’ve never met. At least to my knowledge.)

Holiday Sparkle:
Here is a real crowd-pleaser about the time my husband got glitter all over his face at my company holiday party. Très amusant. That's French for very amusing/hilarious/mortifying.

I Do Until the Cameras Stop Rolling:
This one covers Kim Kardashian's divorce and important life lessons from her 72-day publicity stunt marriage.
 
Ode to Tim Riggins:
I am not alone in my love for the best show ever, Friday Night Lights and hottest character ever, Tim Riggins. (Texas Forever. Sigh.) Click here to enjoy a non-creepy tribute. Although his hair could probably use a wash, here he is to the left being gorgeous.

Best Round Brush:
When people Google “best round brush”, my blog tops the search results, right under an InStyle article (!!!). Ah-mah-zing.  I hope this special brush has helped you all achieve glorious, frizz-free tresses.

AND rounding out the roundup:

·      Cool Ideas for Engagement Pictures (I adore these couples!)

·      An analysis of the Forever Lazy Adult Onesie (Long-term effects from wearing this still unknown...)

·      Facebook Breakup Etiquette (I hope you never have to use this advice. But in case, get tips for keeping your profile a Crazy-free Zone.)

Thank you all SO very much for reading The Savvy Mrs., commenting, allowing me to write several times about pumpkin cookies without a backlash, and becoming fans on Facebook!

Happy holidays! XOXO

My Husband's Holiday "Sparkle"

Holiday party season is in full effect. It's that time of year where we find ourselves toasting to something 31 days in a row, pretending calories don't count, and splurging on sequined clothing we'll never wear again. In an effort to keep our jobs secure throughout soiree season, many websites post articles that offer tips on what NOT to do at your office holiday party: don't get wasted, don't talk shit about co-workers, don't dress like a skanky female Santa, etc. But these articles don't tell you what to do, if at your company holiday party, your husband eats a festive cookie and ends up with an obscene amount of glitter all over his face and clothes before meeting any of your co-workers.

So, yeah. This happened to me last week.

Within five minutes of arriving at my office party, my husband reached for a cookie at the dessert station.  Unbeknownst to him, it was covered in approximately 14 tons of glitter. He took a bite. And as if in slow motion, I watched an explosion of shimmery particles burst into the air and land all over his face. Like any guy, he was solely focused on eating the cookie and had no idea what just occurred.

My expression turned to a look of horror. He frantically tried to wipe whatever it was that I was gawking at off of his face. But his hands were also covered in glitter. It was like watching a holiday train-wreck. He was just smearing more glitter all over his face. And as any gal who rocked body glitter back in the day knows, it does not easily wipe away. My first instinct was to ask him to just go home rather than introduce Ke$ha (formerly known as my husband), to my colleagues.

But in the spirit of the holidays, I let it go. My manly bundle of sparkle and I mingled throughout the party. I introduced him to my co-workers and we warned them about the the hidden dangers of the snowman cookies.

Happy holidays everyone! Keep your office party dates away from the dessert buffet. xo

Shit Girls Say: Funny or Infuriating?

Unless you live under a rock, you've seen the video Shit Girls Say. The viral sensation features a guy, impersonating a 20-something "girl", rattling off phrases you and your besties couldn't have a convo without:

• "I know, right?" (Obvi.)
• "Like, I'm not even joking right now." (Shit's about to get serious.) 
• "Twinsies!" (Biatch, you knew I had that bracelet first.) 
• Unintelligible screams when reuniting with a friend (Who wouldn't be beside themselves over a run in with Juliette Lewis ...)

Much of the video is pretty dead-on. Is it hard to find things in enormous purses? Totes. Have I said, "Shut UP!" Yes, of course. Do I sometimes enjoy eating chips at the speed of light, while watching TV on the couch? You bet your ass.

But what I don't like is that these "girls" we're all laughing at are really women our age. Women that can remember their passwords. Women that don't need to ask if others "know anything about computers." I'm always one to poke fun at situations ... so I'm taking this with a grain of salt. (Even the writers at Slate aren't that pissed.) The video is funny, and it's getting people talking. Plus, there's definitely a Shit Guys Say already in the works ... sure to be it's own stereotypical masterpiece complete with grunts, gas, cave-men gestures, banshee screams. The usual.



What do you think of this video? Funny or a bit much?

A Welcome Home

U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Timothy Walter/Releas

To Bahrain and back...

I had to share this incredible picture of my friend Sara reuniting with her boyfriend Daren after his 7-month deployment aboard an air craft carrier.

Home just in time for the holidays, they're gladly trading in those once a week Skype dates for the real thing. 

:)

The Comeback of Pantyhose?

No matter what you call them -- stockings, pantyhose, or tights -- wearing old school hosiery is a fashion faux pas for most gals I know. Don't get me wrong, I love a good black opaque tight. But once you head into sheer or shimmery territory (or anything called "Suntan"), you might as well be walking those L'eggs back into the 80s. Sure, we all remember a very glamorous time when our permed mothers rocked a 'hose/skirt suit combo like nobody's business. But times have changed. And none of us have gone near stockings since Homecoming '98.

Until today, I haven't given stockings much thought. But I received a text from one of my BFF's asking: Am I supposed to wear stockings to a black-tie winter wedding? Are stockings cheesy?

What's a girl to do? Freeze and go barelegged? Look too casual in black opaques? Or risk her rep in the name of warmth and wear nude stockings?

Naturally, I turned to Google and typed, "is it lame to wear tights to a wedding?" One of the first links that popped up was this Forbes article, The Great Pantyhose Debate of 2012. Yes, now we are talking! Although there was no black-tie wedding advice, I do agree with the writer that sometimes the wrong shade can make you look like a Hooters waitress. Upon further research, here's what I found to help guide my friend:

• Kate Middleton wears nude stockings. According to the Telegraph newspaper of London, "Tan colored tights are enjoying a fashion renaissance led by younger women ranging from the Duchess of Cambridge and her sister, Pippa Middleton, to Cheryl Cole and Carla Bruni." So, there's that...
• L’eggs, the brand of hosiery that used to come in that mysterious egg shaped container at the supermarket is back. Their new brand strategy, "Lucky in L'eggs" hopes to entice 18-34 year old women to give the reinvented brand a try. They have 905 twitter followers ... so maybe one of them will be at the same wedding? You guys can blaze the trail for the rest of us...
• As far as I can tell, the models on Shopbop.com do not care that hosiery could be making a comeback. Go barelegged, or go home.
• No fashion choice could be much worse than the bizarre tuxedo ensemble Kourtney Kardashian wore to lunch the other day. 
• You can wear stockings and pretend you're being ironic. 

So in conclusion, I have no firm answer. But I do know that I've spent way too much time reading and writing about hosiery for one evening.

Readers ... what do you think? Help a girl out. She needs to know by this weekend.