You Know You're Pregnant When....
1. You literally cry tears of joy at the sight of an Outlook invitation for a co-workers b-day celebration in a cubicle. Because A) Everything makes you cry B) You love dessert more than your husband these days. C) Cupcakes?!?!? Ice cream? doughnuts? Happy birthday. Now get out of my way.
2. Happy hour is just "hour" when you can't partake in the boozing. Whoever invented the word mocktail is a jerk. Sucktail is more like it. And bartender, putting an umbrella in my seltzer does not make this experience more festive.
3. When people say, "WOW you got big!", you'll kindly smile and nod while envisioning punching them in the face. When people tell you about a friend of a friend that gave birth in a car, you'll actually punch them in the face.
4. Supermarket cashiers ask you more personal questions about your pregnancy than your best friends.
5. Your hubby will buy you anything you can tie back to the upcoming needs of the baby. "Yes, honey this
6. You bring your lunch to work in a tall kitchen garbage bag, not a lunch bag.
7. Prenatal yoga is truly awesome, except when the teacher makes you do awkward partner stretches. Not cool, lady... I just want to tone what's left of my core, not straddle a stranger.
8. You'll ask your doctor all sorts of crazy questions, like if getting a pedicure can induce labor because you read an article that claims it may. And she'll say, "If that was true, we'd just hire a bunch of manicurists instead of giving women pitocin." Or, you may ask if you need to change your usual skin care products, in which she responds, "Not unless you're planning on eating them."
9. That XXL t-shirt from 11th grade basketball is your new best friend and you really wish you could just wear it to work. Everyday.
10. "Is this normal?" are the three most commonly used words in your vocabulary. Get used to it, sister.